best pick up line in the universe

I know a lot of you people who read this have a hard time meeting members of any sex or even species to cater to your sick, meaningless urges for the latest hyper-thrill... you rely on that miracle of this century, plastics... Plastic dolls, plastic dicks, plastic clits, plastic balls, plastic crusty but hairs... and the old standard, panties dipped in tuna juice, have really become your best friend... this is fucking pathetic, okay?

Normally, I just really try not to think about the stuff that you people are into ... it leads to... well, a short thrill followed by hours and hours of standing in the shower soaping myself up with lava and screaming over and over again, "I am unclean, unclean!!"

Still, even if the neighborhood dogs had not told me to swear off sex with the living, I probably would have quit anyways. The blood and murder was cool, but... well, sometimes, when I have intercourse afterwards with the warm corpse, I have to fantasize about other stuff... like killing puppies. I love that little yap they make when you cut their throat (though you have to careful with them, because when they die, their sphincter's release and they actually squirt shit. If you are not careful where you aim their buts while slitting their soft, warm throats, you could put out an eye, man).

Anyways, the pick up line is this....

For proper use, go up to your prey in a public place, where you can most easily start building a false sense of security in them. Do not have any weapons showing when you try this, and for gods sake, just this once, clean your goddamn nails, okay? You cannot be expected to be at your peak killing with rotting intestines under your nails. The smell alone will drive some women away, though puppes will be attracted... 'Yap! Yap!' they go.

Okay, look the 'it' in the eye, and use your best Phil Hartman sleaze voice to say, "Baby, I would like to cut your mother's head off and fuck her throat hole... just like I did my dear old mom." Now, make it out like you are kidding about this, okay? Making fun of serial killing is one hell of a good way of hiding your actual killing behind a facade of moralistic humorizing... trust me on this.